The secret-murder-society of leftist theater/art/hippies (Part2)

It's five o'clock in the morning. I just got out of the shower. I wait in front of the front door. I step into the lobby. I paint shitty painting, hide it, and talk with cleaning lady.

I smoke too much. Its eight o'clock. I still haven’t had any sleep. I call Sonja and say that she has to come today, otherwise I forget to eat.

It's two o'clock. I'm so tired I don’t know how to talk anymore. In reality I just don’t want to say anything that might indicate to the secret-society of leftist theater/art/hippies that I have noticed their existence. I’m quite quiet. If someone asks where the bathroom is, I yawn and walk away. As quiet as possible. That SSLT/A/H doesn’t notice me.

I call the doctor, say that I need my prescription renewed immediately. I decide to escape into my apartment, I tell everyone that I'm too tired to anything, and that I have to go to bed. At home I lay eyes wide open talking to Sonja who did not show up, although she almost promised.

Sonja says that call again to the doctor. I say that I’m scared at home. I say that I’m thinking about wrapping myself in blanket and running in to the nearby woods. Sonja says that call again to the doctor. “Can I trust you” I ask her. “Yes, you can trust me.” She lies. “Is there conspiracy against me being plotted?” “No, The SSLT/A/H is not real, nobody is plotting against you” She sights. Sonja says that call again to the doctor. I promise to call tomorrow.

I sit by the beach with Venla. I tell her everything. I always do. We got same kind of minds. It’s like talking to yourself, calm and objective self. I watch as the sun plays in her hair. I’m thinking about the first time we fucked, how I pulled her hair in the bars lavatory. I cannot stop myself from smiling. Venla tells that they are going to the Greece with Tino. Asks what I want as souvenir. I don’t know.

Some chick sunbathes on strings. It is not acceptable. I didn’t even notice whole thing. Venla noticed immediately. I jokingly say that I probably would have noticed if there were surveillance camera shoved between the chicks butt cheeks. We laugh. I say that Venla have quite good enough thighs, buttocks, legs and other parts, she does not believe me - she does not believe anyone.

I call Tom and I ask him to sit down. He says that he is too busy to sit. I say that it happened again. Not as strong as last time, but it happened yet again. Tom asks what happened. I explain about The secret-murder-society of leftist theater/art/hippies. Tom does not laugh. Tom sounds like he is sitting down. Tom is tired of being strong, he says something that sounds like I’m horrible person. I try to explain. I always do.  I always try to explain my behavior, it is a bad thing. I'm scared and crying, I have been monster  to Tom, and now I have to pay for it.

I lay on the floor of my flat and cry when I hear key sliding in my door; my guest arrives. I ask how the test went, I get a thumbs down. I ask if she wants pizza, no, I promise to offer, then yes. We eat pizza, I ask Vanessa if she wants to see boyfriend. She is surprised and wants. I'll show her. She tells about upcoming divorce, and how she wants to be with girls. She asks what you should answer if someone asks where you see yourself in five years' time. I say that I do not know, I can’t even do the dishes on time. Vanessa promises to do the dishes for me tomorrow, I say that it is not necessary. Next day Vanessa leaves without doing dishes, I feel cheated.